


My Heart Is Hard To Touch: Levi X Reader

by FullOfSpite64



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Badass Reader, Cannibalism, Cannibalistic Thoughts, Clean freak gets down and dirty, Disability, Disabled Character, F/M, Flower Symbolism, Flowers, Fluff, Forced Cannibalism, Haha levi's short, Marriage, Romance, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Tea, Temporary Amnesia, Titan Shifters, metal limbs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:06:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29565147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FullOfSpite64/pseuds/FullOfSpite64
Summary: He was a thug, he was a brother, he was humanity's strongest, he was even your Captain. But above all, he was your best friend and your lover. You just wished you could remember all that.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/You, Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi Ackerman/Reader
Kudos: 4





	1. We All Still Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this as someone who hasn't seen AOT and refuses to watch it, but as someone who's familiar with all the memes and has seen a-slap-on-titan and watched all of the Akira dubs Levi videos...so, yeah. Definite extreme OOC-ness. Not sorry.
> 
> Maybe I'll watch it later.

It seemed like just yesterday, the future was so bright.

So within reach.

You felt yourself crawling, your body on autopilot. You couldn't feel your legs, you couldn't feel one of your hands.

Farlan...Isabel...

They were just shouting. Now everything was oddly bereft of human sounds.

The shake of the earth as the titan moved sent shocks of rage through your body. You needed to live, no matter what...you couldn't stop.

You had to see someone...

You coughed tasting metal and dirt. Why didn't you see it? Why couldn't you stop it? In retrospect, it felt like such a simple task you failed to do. Were they dead now because of you?

You were better than that...weren't you?

"Never...again..."

The words strained from your throat burning like your boiling blood as it spilled from your wounds.

Your head fell to the ground, you only managed to look to the side with far too much effort.

The scene was worse than any nightmare you've had so far. The titan feasted to its heart's content as if its prey didn't have dreams and ambitions. As if the lives it took were of no consequence.

Your tears were colored red, the head wound doing very little to help you stay conscious.

Everything stilled, like taking a picture.

The scene burned into your mind. Every time you closed your eyes it was the same thing. The same horror show played on repeat.

A crack of thunder as the monster fell, a scream of agony bringing you back from the brink. Death wasn't allowed to take you now. No matter how much blood or parts of your body you lost, you weren't done until they were all dead.

Every last one...

~

"Hmm, no...(y/n)? How are you still...? I have to hand it to you, you're tenacity is more than admirable. Though, it doesn't look like you'll be of much use to us anymore...a shame really...you held such promise. I'm sorry..."

Your throat was dry despite the blood still coating your mouth's insides.

"Er...win...?"

The man knelt beside you looking unbothered by the situation, but you saw the stifled quiver in his lip. He held himself together, pushing down his emotions if only to look stronger for everyone else

"Yes, it's me. I'm a little impressed you still breathing at all. It can't be helped I suppose...hmm, I'll be sure to make it quick. And don't worry, Levi is in good hands."

He slowly brought a knife towards your neck, but you didn't quite register it was there.

"Who...?"

Erwin stopped. There's no way...

"Captain Levi...are you...no...you got hit in the head harder than I thought. Maybe you can..."

His mind went blank, a few passing solutions whizzing by his ears.

"Tell me, do you know anyone by the name of Hange Zoe?"

Your breath was shaky, but you answered anyway.

"Y...yes..."

Erwin donned a strange smile. A thoughtful smile, devising a plan of some sort in his head.

"Don't die on me now, that's an order. I'll be right back."

He left, walking with purpose but in a set direction. You didn't feel anything, your head ached but your body was numb. The places where your limbs were missing buzzed like pins and needles as if they were still there.

"(Y/n)! You're alive! Oh god... it's so much worse than I thought...do...do you still...know me?"

The person before you was frantic. What they were saying didn't get through to you. But you felt better seeing them. They lifted your hood that slightly stuck to your skin with dried blood.

"Oh (y/n)...I'm so sorry..."

They shouted to the side and your body was lifted onto a stretcher of some sort and loaded into a covered wagon.

It was so empty...

There were no other survivors.

Hange got in beside you with bandages and bottles accompanied by syringes and other medical equipment.

You felt the sting of alcohol as they cleaned your wounds. Syringes sticking into your skin and the burn of fabric bandages sliding against exposed flesh.

You wouldn't die, but how long would the pain be there?

~

You were strapped to a bed and forced to rest. Despite not having legs anymore your insistence on getting back on the field was concerning, to say the least.

Hange was ordered, along with anyone who cared, to not mention your existence to a 'Captain Levi' under any circumstances.

They said the ordeal might be too much for him to handle.

"The emotional influx of learning that (y/n)'s alive, but she doesn't even remember him...what was the point of putting him through that?" Erwin was talking with Hange, their brows knit in worry and underlying frustration.

"You're right Erwin...but that doesn't make me feel any better about this...what if we just tell him her body wasn't found? We even looked at the bodies from the titan's stomachs...I just don't want him to...you know." Hange bit the knuckle of one of their fingers resisting the need to pace.

"Hange, though it pains me as well, imagine his devastation. I don't want to give him false hope. Then when he finds out she's been here this whole time...can we risk it?" The question hung heavy. The answer is nowhere near clear enough not to just guess and pray for the best.

"...I think we should. We'll tell him together. Her body was not among those that fell." They gestured to you, their head hung in shame.

"And if he asks where she could have gone?" Erwin closed his eyes, probably just imagining the scene playing out with a multitude of outcomes...none of them very good.

"It wouldn't be a lie to tell him she might have amnesia and wandered off..." Hange suggested with a hollow voice.

"That's risky Hange," Erwin warned.

"I know...I'll take responsibility." Hange looked at him with determination, though Hange also wasn't all that good at keeping secrets.

"Very well. But we can't even guarantee that he'll believe it." Erwin's shoulders fell slightly as he turned to the side looking into the fireplace as if someone would come down the chimney and give him the answer he was so desperately trying to figure out on his own.

"He has to. He has no choice." Hange picked up a stack of papers and set to work on whatever it is they had set their mind to.

"If you say so..." Erwin left feeling no more empty than when he came in. The sight of you like that...only reminded him of the choices he's made thus far.

Your right hand had also been lost. Which wasn't a total loss in of itself. You happened to be ambidextrous after all. (Why rely on one hand when you can rely on both? *sad right-handed noise*)

It didn't hinder you too much, but it was kinda sad only having one hand...and no feet.

There was a large bruise on your side that showed an imprint of your ribs, several of which were broken.

Hange promised they were working on a solution, but it only concerned you out how adamant they were about it. They were frantic, almost hysterical. Either way, Erwin at least came to see you sometimes telling you about achievements and losses alike.

He also had special commands for you, for when you came back.

He said you were to wear a mask the entire time without question. Hange gave you a cloth mask that covered your entire head. On the outside, it was completely black but it was also surprisingly seethrough from the inside. At least, it wouldn't hinder your vision.

Another command was that you could only speak in simple ways around certain people.

Especially someone named Levi.

Only answering questions in the briefest and straightforward ways. A lot of yes and no action.

He was a captain who was said to be stronger than most. Your head hurt when you saw a picture of him. Erwin looked at you intensely when he gave you a file containing information about the captain.

Hange looked worried, which you found was rather out of character for them. Usually, they practically drooled when talking about anything else, especially titans for whatever reason.

You never judged them.

When you gave the file back without a word Erwin smiled a kind smile.

"I'm looking forward to the day you rejoin the survey. I only ask that you be patient until we can do something about your unfortunate handicap."

He placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

"You might not have been humanity's strongest, but that's why we're given second chances. Be the hammer that drives the nail to our victory against the titans. Can you do this?"

A new light ignited inside you. The thrill of purpose and the hope of someone believing in you so much was beyond invigorating.

"Yes sir!"

~

It had been a few months and you had recovered rather well. Enough to be taken outside in a wheelchair. You felt sluggish, you'd been immobile for too long, your muscles falling to scrawny lanky limbs. Or, what you had left of your limbs anyway.

You did sit-ups as much as you were allowed, though it did little to keep your midsection as toned as it originally was.

Hange burst in one day with a huge smile, one you hadn't seen yet in all your years knowing them.

"(Y/n)! I have amazing news! I just finished a prototype for one of your limbs!"

She wheeled in a table with several mechanical things in bits and pieces. It almost looked like a hand, if a hand was made up of just long fingers.

"Now, to properly construct the entire hand itself, I'll need to figure out how you're going to move it. I mean, I can't very well pull out your tendons and attach them to the device...that would be excruciating."

She attached the device only taking measurements by your other hand.

"But it's not impossible?"

They looked at you through the top of their glasses, a serious expression taking over their features. They put down the clipboard slowly and sighed.

"The ramifications for doing something like that would normally be right up my alley, but since it's you I highly suggest against doing that. I know you may not remember a lot, but keep in mind that I care about your well-being. Erwin said to have patience, now I'm telling you to do the same. I swear to you as a friend, I will find a way to make this as painless as possible."

It was kinda scary seeing them so serious. But as quickly as their mood change they were smiling again.

"We'll do it together! Right?"

You nodded, happy that someone you managed to remember very well cared so much.

Months and months passed, Hange looked tired but optimistic. You felt bad because you knew your affliction was the cause.

"Hange...can you come here for a sec?"

You called to the exhausted doctor. Hange got up and quickly made their way to you.

"Yes? Is something wrong?"

They held a hand to your forehead. You grabbed their wrist pulling them into a hug which they tensed up at.

"Hange, I just want to thank you for all you're doing. It means a lot, and I feel like I've known you longer than I'm aware. Just because you're someone I care about too, could you do me a favor?"

Hange looked up, taking up the large space where your legs should be.

"Ye-yes! Anything."

You only had one hand for now, but as tired as Hange was pushing them down onto the bed was nothing.

"Please get some sleep. It stresses me out when it's so obvious you aren't taking care of yourself properly."

Hange got a far-off look and for a split second, you swore they shed a tear. They turned away and made a long sigh.

"Slowly but surely..."

You cocked your head not sure what they meant by that, but before you could ask you heard soft snoring. You did your best to make sure they were comfortable. If you sat up you only took up about 1/4th of the bed.

While the doctor slept you passed the time by reading poetry. Something about it spoke to you, not the words, but the simple act of indulging in that specific literature.

You felt like a missing piece of you came back every time you read this specific book.

You wondered who left it on your bedside table.

Maybe Erwin?

~

"It's done! Well, sort of. The prototype is in its first stage! Mark 1."

Hange held up a hand made of metal and wires. It looked rough, but that was to be expected of a prototype.

It was fitted onto your wrist and it at first didn't move. Hange attached a series of suckers to your skin hooked up to wires that protruded from the mechanical hand.

"Ok...can you give me a thumbs up?"

Like magic, you didn't have to try hard at all. It was like having a regular hand again. Even if you couldn't feel anything with it.

"Wow, Hange! That's amazing!"

You interlocked your fingers and practiced holding up one finger then multiple.

"It's not very strong yet, but I just need to make a few tweaks here and there...then the legs will be so easy!"

Hange was maybe a little more excited than you at this point.

"Ah, but...getting the measurements for your legs might be tricky. Your left leg is almost entirely gone, and your right leg at least still has a knee...do you want to be taller?"

You almost laugh.

"Yeah, by like 4 inches. Then I'll be a full 6 feet."

You were joking of course but Hange wrote it down as if they were taking it into full consideration. They pulled you down by your better leg until you were lying flat and began measuring your height.

"You know, I was joking about being taller."

You said as you held the measuring tape to your forehead letting Hange stretch it down to how tall you would be.

"Why not? I think it would be funny. You'd almost be a full foot taller than Captain Levi. Don't make fun of his height though, he will punish you."

There was a mention of Captain Levi again. He seemed to be both feared and respected.

"Hange would you consider Levi to be your friend? What is he even like? As a person I mean."

Hange finished writing and seemed to be thinking carefully about their next words.

"Levi is...respectable. Were as good as friends could be in a time like this. He is often annoyed by me but he tolerates me all the same. I do tend to ramble as I'm sure you already know...I hope. He enjoys silence but he used to...be more social. He only ever talked to a small group of people but not too long ago, some of the people closest to him...died."

You looked down trying to imagine the face in the picture you were shown. He didn't look happy, you couldn't even imagine him smiling with how he was talked about.

"Although Levi can be very strict, especially when giving orders, he does have a softer side. He's been very closed off to most people since that day. I worry about him a lot. He doesn't trust anybody with his feelings, not even me. I'm afraid of what he might do if he keeps bottling up the way he has been. If only you were...nevermind."

Hange took back the measuring tape and looked to be packing away their things.

"Wait, if only I what?"

Hange didn't answer, the stress and anxiety present on their face.

"Oh, nothing! I was speaking nonsense again. I'll be in early tomorrow, so don't worry about it!"

They left in a hurry making you feel a little out of the loop. Maybe Hange didn't trust you enough...or maybe they weren't allowed to talk about it? Oh well, hopefully, you can get back on your...ahem, 'some' feet soon.

~

I can't say too much, Erwin made that very clear. But with my constant rambling, it's hard not to let certain things slip out.

"What the hell are you so nervous about?"

I scream almost dropping my things.

"Levi' what a surprise, we were just talking about you!" Hange frantically tried to excuse themself of any suspicion.

"We?" Levi raised a brow. They were currently the only two around.

Hange cleared their throat. "Erm, I mean. I was just thinking about you. How have you been? It's been a while since we've talked." After telling him about your 'missing' whereabouts he didn't sound all that enthused, but he didn't completely disregard the idea that you might still be alive.

He gave Hange a strange expression, a suspicious one that made them sweat.

"I don't know what kind of game you're playing shitty glasses, but you better not be hiding anything from me." Levi was all too keen on Hange's behavior as they've known each other for a while now.

"What? Me? Hiding things from you? Why would I?" Hange was also aware of how bad it sounded when they said things like that.

"That's a good question. Why would you hide anything from me?" Levi leaned back on his heels narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms.

"Ah, well...I just...there's this patient right?" Hange quickly thought of something, if only to distract from the fact that they were stalling.

"Ok?" Levi's cold and calculating eyes burned to the doctor trying to get them to let down their defenses.

"Well, they don't have legs anymore." Technically even that wasn't supposed to be talked about, but Erwin would understand. Wouldn't he?

"That's unfortunate." Levi's eyes softened only slightly.

"It is! And Erwin has tasked me with making them new legs!" Hange managed to get back into their original habit. They were genuinely excited by this project.

"He's making you waste your time on prosthetic limbs? Of course, he would." Levi rolled his eyes letting his arms fall to the sides.

"It's not a waste!" Hange was louder than they intended, making Levi look at them almost with concern.

"...why so loud?" His lip came up as if disgusted, but Hange knew it was a form of concern.

"I just...if I can do this imagine how many people who lose limbs can benefit from this. This is important to me...I'm sorry if I've been distant. I know it's been hard for you ever since...well, you know..." They twiddled with their fingers and chewed on their lip.

"It's fine. I'm fine. Just...just don't let it distract you too much. I know how you get when you overthink things." Levi waved his hand trying to brush them off along with the feels he's come to bottle up.

"Of course...I'm free right now if you want to talk. I finished up early and I haven't seen you in a while." Hange was well aware that Levi refused to talk about how he felt about your disappearance. They tried time snd again just to get him to open up, but he was unreachable. The most they could offer was their company.

"You haven't been here in a while, you've been spending a lot of time off-campus. Is this person your taking care of even any good? I'm sure they are if Erwin asked you personally to help them."

"More than you know Levi..." Hange's gaze fell to the floor.

"What?" Levi lifted a brow towards the doctor's strange tone.

"Nothing, just let me put my things away, and I'll meet you in your office, ok?!" It was a mutual understanding that Levi didn't like to drink tea alone, but preferred certain people over others. Hange just so happened to be one of them.

"Whatever, don't keep me waiting." Levi was about to turn away when Hange put a hand on his shoulder.

"Oh! Um, have they...found anything?" The question brought momentary silence. "...no. And I doubt they will." He said that, but hange knew he wanted it more than anyone.

"...you should still keep looking. I want to see them again too." They gently squeezed his shoulder before leaving.

Levi watched them go in silence, a wave of emotion brewing under the surface of the mask he wore do well.

"Tch."

~

Reading was fine and all, but if that's all you do then you run out of material fast.

You only had one book, so it was to be expected. This place had to have a library of some sort. You couldn't operate the wheelchair very easily with one hand and one stump, so venturing out without help would probably take you all night, not worth it.

It was night time by now, the stars just barely peeking out from the blanket of darkness.

If only every night was this peaceful.

You couldn't say very much when it came to dreams. It was the same thing every time.

You were sad you'd become desensitized to it.

It was such a horrifying thing, and you knew you should be bothered by it, but now it was just like a play where everyone dies except you. The titan that attacked that day moved strangely and on its hands too.

It was fast, faster than most. Was there more than one? Details of the event were fuzzy. You knew who was there and that you were the only one who survived...but there was so much missing.

It hurt to think about, like straining to reduce a complicated equation.

You needed to be shaved to stitch a wound that left a scar on the side of your head visible above your ear. It wasn't exactly unsightly, in fact as a battle scar it was pretty cool.

It served as a reminder. Even if you couldn't remember most things.

Your hand began to hurt a lot, the one that was missing. Hange said you might feel a lot of phantom pain. They said if you did feel it you should massage the area where the missing limb would attach, so you did.

It didn't feel much better. The pain almost made you want to throw up, but you kept the feeling down by closing your eyes and imagining in your head how you would flex your fingers.

It helped a little, enough to the point you could fall asleep at least.

That might cause more problems in the future, let's hope it only happens on your downtime.

It would suck if you got done in just because one of your legs was being a bitch.

~

These prototypes wouldn't be prototypes for long. Just a few adjustments here and there and they might be stronger than a regular limb.

They were a bit heavy though.

I wonder if (y/n) would be able to lift them in their state. They might need them anyhow to get to a point where the weight didn't matter.

They were a determined girl, I'm sure she'd figure it out anyway no matter what anyone said otherwise.

At least she still had that spark inside her. Any normal person optimist or not might have been demotivated by such an event. She only appeared to be more invigorated to make sure something like that didn't happen again.

It was nice to feel like she was back in some way, even if they didn't talk as much anymore. That night I spent time with Levi he was avoidant of the topic altogether. He confided I was one of the only ones he could trust...I don't like to think that was true but it just might be.

Erwin's reason seemed sound enough, but the whole thing felt shady. But Erwin was always like that.

I wanted so badly to tell Levi she was here, but his attitude only served Erwin's agenda. Maybe he would lash out, maybe he wouldn't be as thrilled that she was alive. Maybe he'd blame himself or worse. At least he still sent out a search party every once in a while. He still had hope, even if only a little...

Normally I'd say to just bite the bullet and get it over with, but Levi was my best friend and I found myself caring too much. Much more than I liked.

Being a doctor and a comrade I was torn between what I thought was right and what might be the actual right thing to do.

My bias was all over the place.

In this situation, I felt like I didn't know Levi at all. I had to do something...shouldn't I?

I didn't want to keep him in the dark forever...

Would he think of me in a bad way if I waited too long...

"Hey!" Hange heard Levi's voice cut through the haze of their thoughts

"L-Levi! I'm sorry, I was spacing out again, wasn't I?" They put a hand to their head mentally berating themself for being so emotionally unavailable.

"You've been doing that a lot lately..." Levi leaned forward.

"Yeah...yeah, I have..." Hange agreed guiltily.

"Is something the matter?" He raised a brow.

"No...no, I just...it feels so simple, you know? I feel like I should have gotten this done ages ago but I just...I'm overthinking things again." Hange made it seem like they were talking about one thing, but multiple things could be referenced using that sentence.

"Well...I'm sure you'll figure it out...you always come through...I guess." Levi did his best to be encouraging as he leaned back looking away.

"Awe, thanks, Captain!" Hange brightened up getting praised by this man for once.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. Enjoy that because I'm never saying it again." He waved a nonchalant hand their way.

"...I do appreciate it. I think I'd go crazy if you weren't here to bring me back to reality." Hange almost lamented.

"Mhm. Don't mention it. Seriously, never mention it." He pointed a hard finger at their wide smile.

"Anything you say, Captain." Hange close their eyes in contentment.

It wasn't a complete lie. They still had (y/n). That sounds bad when they think about it right next to Levi.

Maybe one day they can all laugh about this together and they can stop feeling like a horrible person for keeping their best friend in the dark about something he had every right of knowing.

That's just how Hange felt anyway.

~

"They're finally done! And they aren't even prototypes, it's the real deal!" Hange practically jumped for joy as they made their way to you.

"Already? That was fast." You praised honestly impressed.

"I know! I'm so proud of myself. Ah, it feels good to be me right now. Try them on! With any luck, you won't even need to take them off at all!" Hange was like a mad scientist screaming 'It's alive!' at the top of their lungs.

"Alright, suit me up."

Hange helped you attach the hand first, it looked like an actual hand, the grey skin is made of rubber, but if adjustments needed to be made the rubber was easily removable. The same thing with the legs, though your feet didn't have toes.

You would never be able to stub a toe again...score.

With the rubber covering it was almost like someone had just painted your skin...from a distance anyway. Up close you could still see the seems and whatnot and of course the electrodes that were stuck to your skin.

"These will monitor your nerves and brain waves so you can move your new limbs extremely close to how you would move your old ones." They explained as simply as possible knowing you were very tech-savvy.

"That sounds complicated." And they were right too because you understood very little of that.

"It wasn't...and a little part of me died when I figured it out." A shadow fell over Hange's features reflecting their internal turmoil.

"...at least it's done. Let's see here."

You couldn't feel the hand, but it was like you never lost it, to begin with. A smile tugged at your lips as you moved your fingers every which way.

"You should try writing something while I focus on the legs." Hange wiggled their fingers as a suggestion.

"Ok..."

Hange passed you a clipboard with a pen and you wrote your name, to begin with, then you drew a picture of a bird. Not bad, but you were better before.

"Ok. Try standing!"

You did so, and while you expected to stumble you were surprised at how stable you were right off the bat.

"Hange..."

You took a step forward.

"Hange this is amazing."

Hange looked on the verge of tears and passing out. Their hands were clasped and their glasses fogged as they giggled watching you walk around like nothing was wrong.

It was weird being taller though.

"I haven't been able to stand in months, but I already feel like running." You swing your arms back and forth missing the breeze.

"Great! We're taking you to a private training camp to get you regulated to your new limbs. It's only a few miles away so I'll be gone most of the day, but you can be outside as much as you want!" Hange was gathering things into a box.

"Really? When?" You were delighted to see that both of your hands balled into fists out of excitement.

"Tomorrow. We leave tomorrow." Hange took the box and set it on the table putting more things inside.

"Already? Well, I guess I have nothing better to do." You shrugged sitting back on the bed thankful you could still feel your ass.

"I'm sorry it's on such short notice." Hange wasn't paying too much attention when apologizing, but you knew they meant it.

"No, it's fine. I think I'm getting cabin fever staying in this room so much." You stretched before falling back on the bed seeing the all too familiar ceiling.

"I promise you'll have more freedom while your training. Nobody is gonna be there beside me and a few others, and even then you'll have pretty much free reign over the place."

You nodded in understanding sitting down and looking at your knees.

One was grey while the other was just your regular knee. It was a stark contrast, but you didn't find yourself bothered by it.

The next day you were taken by horse to an encampment a few miles away hidden in the middle of a forest.

There were buildings built high up in the trees accessible by ladders that you were happy to climb.

Once at the top you were met with a familiar face.

"Erwin? Mike?" Two men, one you haven't seen in quite a while.

"(Y/n)? You are alive..."

You charged forward hugging you once fellow Captain being met with a hesitant embrace back.

"Good to see you, Mike!" You smile at him.

"Ye-yeah...it's nice to see you too." He looked on the edge of showing an emotion you've never seen him show. But he stopped himself and composed.

"We've only just informed Mike of your condition. Her whereabouts and condition are to be kept secret at all times. I hope you know the ramifications of letting her living status leak out. Captain Levi cannot know yet." Erwin was very strict in getting his order across.

"Erwin, who is Captain Levi exactly? And why do I need to avoid him?" You asked confused about it as ever.

"All will be answered in time (y/n). For now, all I can ask is that you trust me." His eyes showed no deception.

"Always." You straightened answering without hesitation.

"Hm..." Mike made a noise gaining your attention. He used to train you so his concern wasn't unusual.

"Mike? How have you been? Did you think I was dead this whole time?" You kind of joked, even if you knew it might be true.

"Everyone does...but I'm glad you still remember me." He gave a small smile which was more than you could usually expect from him.

"How could I forget?" In your head, you liked to believe there was no way you could forget a single important person in your life no matter how bad the amnesia. His face was a bit grim, making you question the notion. "What's with that expression?" You half-heartedly laugh off the uncertainty.

"...I hope you remember everything soon." He looked to the side not meeting your eyes.

"...me too? I'm sure if it's important I'll remember when I need to." It was something you said more to convince yourself.

"That's not really how amnesia works but you've got the spirit. We'll try some things to jog your memory...hopefully." Hange spoke up finally. The tension was lessened considerably with their aura.

Erwin cleared his throat. "You'll be stationed here until you get full control of your new limbs. Then you'll be appointed as a Lieutenant."

Your face contorted in mock disgust. "A Lieutenant? Why can't I still be a Captain?" You really missed having a squad.

"Because you aren't supposed to exist as your old self. You cant be you until you remember everything. You must get your memories back somehow, it is imperative. It's the only way you can help me the most." Erwin explained.

"Then I'll try my hardest, sir." You stoped your foot feeling determined.

"Good. Now, I shall bid you farewell. Remember all you can...if you can." Erwin's sad smile was full of hope, and you wanted more than anything to do him proud.

"I will."

Erwin and Mike left, a sad smile on Mikes's face as he exited. How long had it been? Five months? Six? You lost count.

Maybe you'd never remember everything and that thought was the only thing that managed to scare you.

~


	2. Ligers & Mules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ay! Oh! Ah! Oo! Don't look now, it's chapter two!
> 
> I hope you're enjoying it but in all honestly, I don't care. Because if I do I'll overthink things and won't update for a year at a time.
> 
> Don't let me do that again.
> 
> I don't have the strength...

It took almost a full year.

A full year and them some in total to get back on your feet. And you were better...so much better. It amazed even you, and you had done it on a whim.

You couldn't wait to do it again.

Hange had been taking a nap, but Erwin saw the whole thing coming up on his horse.

"(Y/n)!"

You looked back seeing him waving. You hooked into a tree and propelled over.

"Did you see that!? I feel so cool." You threw your hands in the air getting a look of concern from him.

"I did, are you alright? You had me scared for a second there." He sighed looking at the dead titan already disappearing behind you.

"You shouldn't be, I've been met with worse." You said waving your fake hand, which brought him no comfort.

"Weren't you scared?" Seeing you so reckless made him uneasy. He didn't want to lose any more soldiers so needlessly if he didn't have to.

"...I haven't been feeling the same as I used to. I can feel joy and anger fine, but sadness and fear, and even concern often elude me. It's like this bump to the head took away my emotions along with my memories." You knocked on your head wincing as it made contact with a tender spot on your scalp.

"That's...sad to hear." There wasn't much else he could say as he got off the horse.

"Unfortunately it doesn't bother me." You said with a smile knowing full well that you should be more scared. You just weren't.

"Hm...maybe for now that's not such a bad thing. But could you promise me you won't do that unless you have to?" He clapped a hand on your shoulder looking very seriously into your eyes.

"Alright, alright. Anyway, what brings you here?" You spun around heading for the ladder.

"Good news. I've convinced Levi to consider you for your position as his Lieutenant." You stopped and turned around slowly.

"Consider me? Isn't that up to you?" Your head cocked to the side very confused.

"Not when he is who he is. You'll have to impress him when we take you in to reclaim one of the cities." There he was again speaking so highly of Captain Levi. Humanities strongest? You'll be the judge of that. Simply because you want to.

"I get to go?" But you were excited all the same.

"Yes," Erwin confirmed feeling a swell as he saw your genuine smile. It only reminded him how alive you were after everything he's seen you go through.

"Awesome!" You resisted the urge to hug him and did a little hop instead.

"You seem excited. That's good. Enthusiasm is always infectious towards people who will be looking up to the new executioner. And everyone will know because you'll be wearing this."

He handed you a folded uniform coat with a green cloak the same as the one you used to wear. But whereas the scout's logo was the same for the most part, the second wing was now red instead of blue.

"Erwin?" You looked at the insignia tracing your fingers over the embroidery.

"We've created a sub-class of the survey corps consisting of a sort of 'bouncer' us you will. It didn't sit right when just anyone used to be able to take matters into their own hands as you and Mike used to. Now it's your job to enforce the peace in any way you see fit. I know you'll make the right choices. I can only trust you with this symbol."

"...thank you. I'll make you proud." You were happy to become an official executioner. You didn't like killing people in the slightest, but no one could deny how good you were at it.

"Hange! Get ready to leave!" Erwin called up to the sleeping researcher.

"Huh!? What!? Oh! Erwin, yes sir!" They almost fell out of their chair standing straight up and saluting before realizing what was going on.

"Oh, I almost forgot. You'll be under a new alias from now on until you get your memories back." Erwin got back up on his horse.

"A new alias? Well, if I must. What is my new name, Commander?" You'd never gone by any other name, so this was exciting.

"Lieutenant Reader."

(I already know what you're thinking...

*that's dumb*

...you right.)

~

Levi looked out the window watching the sixtieth search party leave on his order.

It had been nearly a year and a half...maybe longer. At this point, it didn't matter. It had been so long since he's seen you...he had a seed of doubt in him firmly rooting the idea that you were still alive in his head.

So he kept looking.

He kept hoping even though the hope was slowly dying. He had to focus on other things for now. Things that could be classified as tricky, but ultimately required his full attention.

An expedition to one of the overrun cities where Hange was hoping to capture a few titans for research. And to see a certain 'titan-shifter' that intrigued Hange greatly. They practically drooled at the idea, especially since their little pet project recruit was finally ready after all this time to prove themselves.

He remembered what transpired yesterday.

~

Levi was busy doing paperwork, jotting down reports, and reading over a compiled list of recent events leading up to Erwin entering his office with a very annoying proposal he's heard before.

"Levi, I'm assigning you a Lieutenant." Levi sighed setting his teacup down. Erwin had tried to give him a Lieutenant many times before, but he had refused it over and over.

"Erwin, the day I take a Lieutenant is the day I die." He didn't mean that, mainly because it was impossible. But he also didn't mean it because sometimes he thought about what you might say if he asked you if he should.

You'd probably say yes, that it was good to have people around no matter how much they got on his nerves.

"Come on Levi...what's it going to take? You at least have to instill a probable task. I won't take no for an answer this time." Erwin was putting his foot down, but Levi knew that he wouldn't force him to do anything of the sort if he outright said he didn't want it.

"Fine...in our next mission if they manage to get a higher kill-count than me, then I'll consider it. Happy? Who did you have in mind anyway?" He gave up just enough to give an almost impossible task. Levi was hot shit for a reason.

"I'm sure Hange has told you a bit about them already." Erwin smiled at him.

"The handicap?" Levi raised a brow.

"Levi, there's no need to be rude. They are very capable even with their disability. And I ask this from the bottom of my heart...please be nice to them." Erwin was legitimately begging, a sight to behold for the short Captain.

"I didn't realize this person meant so much to you. What's their name?" He might as well ask, no sense in not humoring the Commander.

"Lieutenant Reader." He said plainly but stiffly as if rehearsed.

"Reader?" (I take it back, I'm a genius.) He tested the name on his tongue, not uncommon, but one he hadn't said more than a few times in the past addressing random people. He wondered vaguely if he might know this Reader.

"That's right. Their face is to be covered at all times, even around you. You knowing what they look like could put their very lives in danger." Erwin held up a finger and pointed at Levi.

"So why make them my Lieutenant?" Levi was skeptical of this new Lieutenant suddenly making waves.

"Because it would be good for both of you. You can't rely on just me and Hange anymore, and you might be the only person who can protect this person. I'm asking...no, I'm begging you, Levi. Not as your commander, but as your friend. Will you give it some real thought?" Erwin gestured with his hand towards the Captain with acknowledgment.

"Tch. If you say so, Erwin. But it's going to be a long time before I put any trust in them." Levi took a sip of his tea giving Erwin a hard stare.

"All I'm asking for is your consideration. Thank you." He put his hand over his heart in genuine thankfulness.

"Hm, we'll see."

~

Now it was only a matter of seeing what you could do. He wasn't sure he could even consider the idea fully. Letting someone new get close simply because they were appointed as his right hand.

He raked a hand over his features straightening his cravat as he stood up.

Might as well get this over with.

"Hange." He greeted the doctor as he came upon the group gathering to head out.

"Captain Levi! You're here finally! Oh, this is Reader. Say hello Reader." They pat the masked figures back.

"Hi." They had a soft voice, and it sounded shy. Great, just what he needed. He didn't want to babysit anyone

"I didn't imagine a female. What with this whole prosthetic thing you've got going on anyway?" She didn't say anything but Hange had a look about them.

"You're rather blunt today Levi. I'm sure Reader wouldn't be too happy to-" Reader put a hand on her shoulder silencing her.

"Huh? Is it okay?" Hange asked receiving a nod.

"Alright, but only because you said it. Reader here has lost her entire left leg, half of her right leg, and her right hand. As you know I've been working on their dummy limbs for almost a year and have monitored their progress thus far." Hange got all technical, but it wasn't anything he couldn't keep up with.

"Are they any good?" He asked looking them up and down as if he could gauge their worth by them just standing there.

"The new limbs are in optimal working order!" Hange put their hands and their hips in triumph making Levi sigh.

"I mean Reader. Is she any good?" He could just wait and see for himself, but he wanted Hange's validation before anything else. Erwin already sang his praise.

"...hmm, I'd say just as good as Mike if I had to compare anyone. Maybe even a hair better but that might be stretching it a bit." That was quite the compliment, Mike was better than most and to be compared to him was no laughing matter even from Hange.

"Hm...let's go already. No point in wasting time waiting for a few stragglers that will catch up in no time." Levi was efficient, that much was plain to see. You wondered how good he was with that gear.

"Yes, sir! Come on Reader, you get to ride next to me!" Hange pulled you along following Levi.

"Alright..."

~

The ride to the city was uneventful, but as you all came up to the large group blocked by a large boulder in the way of the ruined wall.

"Woah! Just look at them all! So tall!" Yup. Classic Hange.

"Hange, we have to kill them." You reminded the doctor who wasn't affected much by the fact.

"I know that! But when we get inside try to capture one or two of them for me!" They clasped their hands together giving you a pleading smile.

"I'll try...but no promises." You rolled your eyes diverging with the group to get past the wall without having to deal with the titans outside. It almost disappointed you, since you were better at dealing with groups rather than singular titans.

No matter. Once over the wall, you followed behind Levi since he may or may not be your Captain after today.

"Reader, on me." He waved you over without looking.

"Yes, Captain. How do you want me?" You asked ready to take any command that day.

"Why don't you just focus on rescues. Head in that direction and take out as many as you can, but your main focus should be saving as many as possible." He acted like that was a menial task, but you were just happy to do anything.

"Yes, sir."

~

Whilst going around you caught sight of Hange avoiding a rather large abnormal titan, one that wouldn't be easy to get a neck shot on. It lunged forward with its mouth gaping wide open.

You sped off that way not seeing Levi yet so taking this one wouldn't be too bad.

You lined yourself up with it making sure it saw you and hooking into the back of its throat before shooting forward being swallowed whole.

"Reader!" Everything went slow for Hange as they saw you going into the titan's mouth as if on purpose.

"Reader not again!" Erwin yelled from behind Hange.

"Again!? What do you mean again!?" Before anyone could answer them you burst out the back of its neck and continuing as if nothing happened.

"She's alive!" Hange rejoiced as they were joined on the roof by Levi who had come just in time to see it.

"Tch. Idiot. Are they trying to show off or something?" He rolled his eyes dusting himself off.

"Says the guy who purposefully spins like a top when killing titans. I still don't get how that's so effective..." Hange mused seeing you come up to a roof off in the immediate distance with a shape in hand.

"Does she have someone in her arms?" You set them down putting a hand on their shoulder and pointing out in the direction many of the recruits were being gathered.

"I told her to rescue as many as she could," Levi said adjusting his gear nonchalant.

"Are you trying to get her killed?" It wasn't like Levi to ask people to do things like that.

"I wanted to test her. Simply killing titans would have been too straightforward." They both watched you propel off to god knows where to do what you were told without question.

"I...I guess!" It was true, but that didn't mean they necessarily agreed with it. Levi was just being pessimistic Levi today. But you were going along with it which made Hange worried you weren't properly considering your wellbeing.

"What's got you so riled up? Hm, Hange?" Levi questioned them with a bored glance, obviously not very impressed with you yet.

"Nothing. I'm fine. You've got one incoming!" Hange pointed towards a titan that had spotted them idling.

"On it." Levi shot forward disposing of it easily.

~

You had gone a few rounds killing any stragglers and unfortunately losing one recruit to your negligence. The titan was faster than you anticipated and due to that, you were only able to save five.

You landed calmly on the ground breathing labored from your exertion today.

"Ah...sweet stabilization. Never leave me again." You could have kissed the ground if it wasn't so filthy.

"Reader! Are you okay!?" Hange found you propped against a wall taking a breather.

"Hange...I feel so...alive." You let out a content sigh feeling the adrenaline leave your body.

"I should think so...you flew into a titan's mouth and came out the back of its neck!" They threw their hands up in the air to exaggerate their point.

"Yeah, that was cool. Right?" You honestly really enjoyed it. And it hasn't failed you yet even if that was only the second time you've done it.

"It scared me half to death!" Hange wasn't all that much of a hugger, so the way they embraced you did tell you they were being truthful.

"Ah, but I lived." You held up a finger as if putting forth a better point.

"You could have died!" Hange put forth their point to combat yours.

"But I didn't." You retorted, invalidating their point.

"Arg! You're infuriating! Which says a lot because not many things can do that to me." You smiled slightly grabbing the sides of Hange's face and forcing them to look you in the eyes.

"Hange...Hange, look at me. I would have never done anything to endanger my life if I wasn't sure I could get out of it alive. I'm fine because I knew what I was doing the whole time. Okay? Now, what's this I hear about a human titan?" They calmed down considerably taking your hands off of their face but squeezing them a little to let you know they were okay.

"Oh! Um. We found a boy that can allegedly turn into a titan! I can't wait to meet him!" Their exuberance returned. "And Levi's been looking for you. He sounded kind of angry...so I hope you don't mind being yelled at." They rubbed the back of their head sweating a little at the thought.

"I had Mike yell at me a few days ago for something and I did not react to it." You recounted the memory fully enough. Mike was yelling at you for wasting gas but you were just happy he was there with you.

"Oh...well, Levi does yell a lot so maybe that might be good for you." Hange theorized that since you might react to it the least it was good to have you around him to take the brunt of his anger. Not that they wanted you to get yelled at, but it was hard to not want some of the heat off of them sometimes.

"Hm, let's go. I just cleaned up here. I deem this entire quadrant safe...for now." You swept out your arms gesturing to the part of the city that you had spent the last hour cleaning up. Some might have already wandered in by now, but that wasn't your problem anymore.

"Al-already? How many were there?" Hange was surprised. It had been an hour, yes, but the quadrant was rather large even on its own.

"Ah...twenty-three...and a half. One didn't have legs for some reason." You recounted in your head for a few more moments confirming your math. You weren't good with a lot of things, but quick math and equations were your specialties.

"Twenty three!?" Hange's eyes widened for a moment.

"And a half." You corrected.

"...I shouldn't even be surprised." Hange rethought about it and nodded having it make better sense. You were diligent, so it wasn't much of a farfetched number...even if it was only within an hour. Impressive but not impossible.

"How many did you get?" You started walking down the street checking your gear to make sure nothing was loose.

"Eight. No, wait, ten...or was it eleven?" Hange was good at math, but they got so distracted easily they weren't all that good at keeping track.

"We should go." You finished checking, deeming your equipment in optimal working order.

"Right! Sorry. We can talk later." You both shot off towards the rendezvous. (Fucking hate that word)

~

"Hange! Reader! Where have you been?" Erwin called as you landed on the rooftop with him and Captain Levi.

"Regrouping, what's going on?" You ask seeing a large group on the ground level making you remember the couple of Cadets you had made hide since their gear broke on them. You always had to check that stuff.

"Some cadets are forming a riot to kill the human titan known as Eren Yeager." Erwin looked out over the edge with you explaining the situation with underlying disappointment.

"Eren?" You ask looking at him with unbridled curiosity. You didn't like titans even a little, but if one was intelligent enough to speak you couldn't help but want to have at least one conversation with it.

"Yes. He came out here just after graduating from recruitment. We have his sister and a close friend of his in custody until we speak with him. He's the titan who plugged up the wall with that large rock." He pointed towards the blocked hole you had to go around when you arrived.

"The boulder?" (There are two memes here)

"Indeed. Levi, have you come to a decision yet." He turned to the shorter man who had his arms crossed looking at the crowd with boredom and disgust.

"...not yet. How many did you save, and how many did you kill?" He paused before immediately questioning you with a dull look in his eyes.

"Five. But I lost one...I killed twenty-three and a half." You admitted immediately. He blinked slowly as if to say he could have done better...and he was right, but the truth didn't hurt less.

"Just say twenty-four next time. Those aren't bad all things considered. But..." He clicked his tongue dramatically pausing thinking of the thing he wanted to say.

"Erm...yes?" You cocked your head wondering what he thought your expression might be.

"If I ever see you jumping through a titan's mouth again just because you think it's 'fun', I'm going to tie you upsidedown to a wooden post for three days. Am I understood?" ...it wasn't all that reasonable of a threat but one you feared enough all the same.

"It wasn't-" you tried to explain your side, but there was an unfortunate downside to being of a lower rank. Sometimes what you say gets overshadowed.

"I don't want to hear it, Lieutenant. Am I understood?" He snapped back making you shudder with a small welling of anger.

"Yes, Captain...so does this mean we have a titan on our side?" You asked Erwin who contemplated the question.

"No. He could still be a threat." Levi spoke up before him.

"But he stopped more titans from coming in...I feel like that means he's our friend." You say simply. You had completely disregarded the entire simple answers thing but that didn't mean that you couldn't manage it with your head injury alone.

"Are you stupid?" He asked just as simply giving you a dead stare.

"Only sometimes. But it seems pretty straightforward doesn't it?" It just made sense that someone helping your side would be on your side.

"And if this is all just an elaborate act to get on our good side? What then?" Levi countered voice raised slightly.

"I don't think so. That plan sounds far too flawed to hold any weight or merit to it." Crocodile tears can only get you so far before the act gets old. Either this kid was a genius or just plain stupid...you'd be the judge of that.

"Well, I guess that just means you're an idiot." This made you step back a bit. It was one thing to insult you, but you had become a little touchy after the incident when it came to intelligence. Losing your memory made you feel inadequate.

"...I'm an idiot?" It was a miracle you had only been struck dumb when it came to memories and emotions. You prided the abilities you still had. Having them disregarded like that hurt more than it should have.

"Reader, don't take what Levi says to heart. He's like that with everyone." Hange put a reassuring hand on your back. It did little to cool your boiling blood, however.

"Is he now? How the fuck is this guy even a Captain?" You felt hot. The heightened annoyance and anger in your system only making you angrier that you couldn't control it.

"He's very capable as a-" Hange was making up excuses, which was sad, to say the least.

"Nah. Quiet Hange." They had a slightly hurt expression making your anger falter for a moment.

"If you've got something to say, Lieutenant, don't let me stop you." Levi goaded you into blowing up, but you knew how to be calm...you could do it.

"Just to humor me for a moment...why should I do a damn thing you say if my opinion makes me an idiot? Hm? Just one reason, that's all I need." It was hard to stay level headed when just the sight of him was enough to send your nerves buzzing.

"Let's not forget reckless. Do you think jumping into a titan's mouth is cute?" He stepped forward accusing you of thinking that this was all some sort of game.

"It was the most efficient way to kill it at the time! I didn't see you doing anything about it." Your voice raised without your interference making you mentally curse yourself.

"Reader, please understand that Captain Levi has more than proven himself both on the battlefield and when it comes to motivating his squad. You trust my judgment don't you?" Erwin stepped between you cutting off your line of sight to him.

"Will all due respect Erwin, the fact that I trust you does not change the feelings I have towards a half-pint asshole that has the gall to call me stupid for not agreeing with him." It was like you couldn't shut yourself up, you saw his worried expression and silently took a deep breath.

"I understand, but-" you held up a hand to stop him from giving you a lecture.

"Whatever. I'm over it. I'm cool...ok? Are we going to go see the kid?" You calmed down by force, even though a tinge of annoyance still lingered.

"Ah...yes. We will talk to him before his trial and hopefully prevent him from being put to death..." Erwins face fell from worry to a more neutral look.

"Good. Captain, would you like me to do another perimeter check and clean up?" You asked the shorter man turning around so you didn't have to look at him.

Hange saw the darkened expression on the Captain. "Levi? What's with that look?" They asked before he turned away.

"Tch. Do what you want." He shot off without another word.

"Oh, dear..." Hange held a hand up to their chin knowing he was leaving for their sake.

"I'll be right back. I've got to pick up some Cadets I left behind anyway." You propelled off as well not waiting for a reply.

"Erwin..." Hange whined a little, at a loss for what to do in this predicament.

"It's fine. They didn't like each other when they first met anyway. Levi hasn't changed much and her being the way she is their interactions were bound to play out similarly." He scratched the back of his neck remembering your first encounter. Better days.

"It's almost like deja vu..." Hange looked off in the distance already seeing you carrying someone to safety.

"Still, it is nice to see them talking at all." Erwin sighed as if a small weight had been lifted just from that fact alone.

"I can't argue with that. Let's head back, I want to meet Eren and I finally caught a couple of titans!" Hange pumped their fists in the air before propelling off.

"Hm, indeed."

~

Levi was annoyed, that much was obvious.

But he'd be lying if he wasn't at least a little impressed that you stood up for yourself against him.

You'd learn soon enough not to get too cocky around him.

You didn't compliment each other at all in terms of personality, but your abilities weren't something he could ignore either.

He knew he could be abrasive at times, but as they say, a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor. He'd do what he had to to make the people around him stronger. Even if that meant hurting their feelings.

You were no different in comparison.

He wasn't just gonna be nice to you. He wasn't a nice person, and he was never going to pretend to be that way either.

What would (y/n) have said?

~

"Levi, can I talk to you for a sec? Just real quick." You called out to him waving him over from coming back from training his squad.

"Sure, what is it?" He joined you propped up against the stables.

"Well, I talked to some of your squad recently..." You rubbed your chin watching said squad head inside looking defeated and tired.

"And?" Levi asked as if nothing was wrong. He wasn't always as...um...the way he is.

"Levi, do you know what a Captain does exactly?" You ask him with a slight incline of your head towards him.

"Did you come here to make me feel stupid?" He crossed his arms feeling like he was about to be lectured.

"No, hun. Captains don't just order people around. Captains are meant to keep everyone motivated and working together. Do you remember what I told you about Isabel?" You were always soft when talking with him, and he didn't know whether to feel annoyed or thankful for that.

"Yeah yeah, she looks up to me so I should be nicer, right?" He recounted saying it rather snidely. You still gave him a small smile making him falter a bit.

"You don't have to be nicer, just remember that your squad is always looking for your approval, so a little encouragement goes a long way. That's all I wanted to say." He sighed as you finished, knowing you were unfortunately right.

"Fine, I'll think about it." His shoulder relaxed as he looked away. To his surprise you pat his head making his face heat up.

"That's fine by me." Your smile was almost infectious and he had to leave quickly not to do something weird and out of character.

~

Those were...better days.

But he did take what you said to heart, and he does share tea with his squad. That was because of you and he hasn't hated it, and the squad seems to enjoy it.

He wouldn't necessarily call them friends, but he would gladly call them comrades if asked.

He vaguely wondered what this 'Reader' would be as his Lieutenant.

Maybe they'd just be a nuisance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I'm writing so much lately. It's like I figured out a secret or something.
> 
> It's weird talking about you in two different ways. God, I both love and hate dramatic irony.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, that's pretty hefty of a first chapter if I do say so myself.
> 
> I don't know why I got the sudden urge to write a Levi story. But I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.
> 
> Again...I only know AOT through memes...and half-assed research. If anybody's OOC, then eh.


End file.
